Library Etiquette

I've always viewed the library as a place of solitude and complete quiet. I have to throw that novel idea out the window. We are "blessed" with a library at my place of employment. Great idea right, WRONG-O.

I am stuck in a very large, very loud cubical area. It sucks. There's no other way to explain the pain and torture I endure. I've heard stupid conversations ranging from old people's high school days (seriously, get over it...high school was 25 years ago for you) to football, football, football. Oh, and did I mention football?

To try and actually work (I know, novel idea), I hide in the library. Except the library is no better. What happened to the stern librarian who would kick someone's ass for talking above a whisper? Gone are the days of solitude, and complete and blissful quiet.

I tried to hide in the library once this morning and was forced out. Who the fuck has a MEETING IN the library? Shouldn't the library be reserved for QUIET?? I know, novel idea. But seriously, if you're going to have a meeting, schedule it in a conference room. It's not like we need the librarian at her desk 24x7. Go find a fucking conference room and leave me to my peace and quiet so I can get my work done.

But no. That'll never happen.

In the afternoon I returned to the scene of the crime thinking I could actually get a bit more work done. WRONG-O again. Apparently someone has taken up residence in the library as their working area. I'm sure it's some sap who's stuck there but seriously? I don't need nor want to walk into the library and smell rotten food. I want to walk into the library and smell the smell of books, that musty smell of paper (new and old) just waiting to be read. I don't want to smell someone else's leftovers.

Nor do I want to listen to them eat their food and clink their fork against the dish. It's disturbing. The library is for QUIET!! I know, again another novel idea. When did the library become a common place for meetings and not-so-fine dining?

Let me just say, I almost got up and kicked the girl in the head when, after finishing her nasty smelling lunch, proceeded to crack her knuckles. Seriously?!!? I realize we all have our bad habits but this is ridiculous. You are not only in violation of eating food in a library (which in my past life was total TABOO) but now you are sitting there annoying the crap out of me reading a magazine. The least you could do is look like you are working you sniveling little piece of crap.

I won't even begin to explain my disillusions of the city's public library. I'll leave that for a different post. But for now, I'm going to try and submerge myself in working (yeah that's right someone has to work in this library and it might as well be me).

I may go in search of a library that DOES provide solitude. Something that I crave and demand of a library.

Dickwad Driver

To the dickwad who tried to run me off the road this morning:

You are not going to ruin my day. You only made me aware of how stupid people are. Here I was happily driving to work all alone without a care in the world. I knew I was going to have problems when I had to wait forever at the stop sign for you, dickwad, to drive your fat ass passed me.

When you finally drove your fat ass passed, I pulled out and it didn’t take long for me to catch you. Obviously you were being a dickwad looking to ruin someone’s day.

When I knew it was all clear, I went to pass as I was doing less than 60mph. Thank god the oncoming traffic was far away. Thank you dickwad for stepping on the gas and making it almost impossible to get around. Stepping on it and going 75 mph to get around you means you are a dickwad and couldn’t bare the thought of a “girl” passing you.

Guess what buddy. My little four cylander car passed your big gas/diesel guzzling truck and then made YOU slow down. It cost me less to get around you than it did for you to show your dickwad self and make your piece of crap gas/diesel guzzling truck go faster. How do you like that dickwad? I should have slowed down a lot more and made you hit me. If you would have hit me, it would have been your fault. Duh dickwad, think about it for once. Why oh why can’t I learn to be a dickwad like others are.

Do unto others as they do to you. Come on motherfucker. If I see you, dickwad, in your fat ass truck, watch out. Cuz you’re gonna buy me a new car. I’ll teach you to mess with me.

Coupon Bitch

I thought I would be brave Saturday. I needed one item in Walmart and thought we could be in and out with no problems (even with the amount of people). Of course when I go to Walmart, I don’t walk out with just one item. I needed some groceries too. No biggie, in and out with no problems.

Until it came time to check out. I was stupid enough to listen to the person telling us that certain checkouts were ready. Ummm, I can see that for myself and check to see what type of checker is there. I get creeped out by some checkers and know from past experience which ones to avoid.

But I was in a hurry and thought that we could be out within another few minutes.

I was wrong; REALLY wrong.

We got stuck behind this stupid chick. I didn’t see what all she had to purchase until it was too late. She had more than two dozen stupid health bars that had to be scanned in individually. When I saw that I turned to the husband and rolled my eyes. I’m sure I said something unpleasant (but in a nice way because I don’t know how to be mean).

When the cashier had all two dozen plus stupid health bars scanned and bagged, the stupid chick pulled out a wad of coupons. Here in lies my problem. I should have looked right at the stupid chick and started making a scene. Instead, being the Wall Flower that I am, I turned to the husband and said more unpleasant things about the stupid chick.

Of course this stupid chick is trying to do the “coupon” thing but has no fucking clue. She handed the cashier a wad of coupons but didn’t organize them or categorize them like you’re supposed to. The cashier had to have a manager come over and go through each individual coupon, organizing them and categorizing them as best they could. When they got through the stack of coupons, the manager told the stupid chick she could only use two coupons per type of stupid health bar.

The stupid chick then pulls out a printed policy page from the Walmart store. Seriously?!!? You gotta be fucking kidding me?!?! Death stares directly at this stupid chick. By that time, we’d already been standing in line for five minutes and had food ready to be checked out. I was getting seriously impatient.

So the manager tells the stupid chick she can only have two per coupon and asked if she wanted the stupid health bars. She said yes but then the poor cashier had to rescan each of the unwanted stupid health bars and bag them. OMG SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! Yet another five minutes of standing there waiting. The stupid chick proceeded to argue with the manager and the cashier saying it was Walmart policy but the manager couldn’t convince the stupid chick. The manager then went in search of a different manager.

The second manager looked at the coupons and proceeded to tell the stupid chick that she could have one stupid health bar per serial code per coupon. The stupid chick started to argue more so they brought a higher up manager. So the third manager had the highest say and said one stupid health bar per coupon and walked away as did the other managers. As the first manager walked past us, she rolled her eyes and I had to laugh. We all were feeling the pain and understood our irritation.

But when the stupid chick realized she was going to have to “gasp” PAY “gasp” for her items, she said she didn’t want them. YOU BITCH. You Are Kidding Me?!?! You’ve stood here wasting our time for the past ten minutes and now you’ve decided that because you are going to have to pay for the items instead of getting them for free that you’ll not pay?!?! Never mind you’ve wasted MY time. I should have told her she owed me money for taking up my time.

Luckily the cashier was really nice. I felt bad for the guy. I guess we were only his second customer, what a way to start the day.

I did learn a few things:

1. Never shop in Walmart on a Saturday.


2. Never listen to the person directing you to which checkout. Tell them you aren’t ready yet.


3. Although most people checking out of Walmart on a Saturday look like retards, try to find the least retarded person.


4. If someone in front of you has more than three items of the same thing, move to a different checkout.


5. Never ever do couponing on a Fucking Saturday unless you want to start a fight.


6. Next time I won't be a Wall Flower; I’ll be rude and start causing a scene when someone pulls out a dozen coupons.